Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we're making bets on your personal life
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize