I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize