the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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