I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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