He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
