Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
