I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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