i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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