hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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