all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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