is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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