did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
