Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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