Just fell off a train. Bad.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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