They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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