Midget sex pt 2 tonight
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
