take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
