and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize