ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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