i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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