You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize