lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
