Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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