If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
