I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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