where am i from again
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think i have herpe
just one?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Randomize