I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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