no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
