I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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