well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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