ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
