haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
