College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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