from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
