I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
