U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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