WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm gonna have a badass scar
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
