I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
