my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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