All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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