Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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