I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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