I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
