HIV tests are more positive than that guy
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize