i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
