I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize