so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My pussy is not your playground.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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