Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What a dumb baby whore.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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