You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
