I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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