I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
