there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
