ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
