it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
