she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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