I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
