I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize