How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
