You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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