Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
