he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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