if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
