she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
