god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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