so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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