I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
