Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
