So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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