I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Bring me that man meat
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
