It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
