Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
