I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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