I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
